How to Survive Flying Across the Country with a Toddler

1. Don't even think about it.

Change your plans

Go to a water park, or the library- better yet, just stay home and hide under the covers

STEP AWAY FROM THE PLANE TICKET

Okay, okay, if you really must go (are you SURE?) I might have a few suggestions. Just remember I warned you!

• You can never pack enough Goldfish crackers or apple crisps.
• Don't even think about reading your own book, sleeping, or listening to the new song on your ipod.
• Little pick-me-ups actually do wonders: a back scratch, a few seconds of deep breathing, a handful of yummy nuts, and small words of encouragement (instead of the death glare) can get the drained parents through the next few minutes at least.
• Use candy with prudence: once you start the handouts, you can NEVER stop. What if you only packed half an hour worth of treats? What if your little one's mouth is so packed she can't breath, but she's insisting on more, until she starts crying and screaming and sticky goo is flying everywhere? What if you're all so sticky you can't get out of your seat to pee? THINK ABOUT IT.
• Don't take the advice of popular magazines that state: "Let your kids run through the isle to release energy" ... when would this work? During beverage service that takes three hours or during turbulence? My toddler can't walk without falling on her darling face on solid ground! Face it- you're stuck.
• Pray to those tricky airplane gods that the poo will stay inside her body until the plane lands. Have you ever attempted a diaper change in those bathrooms? Talk about horror movie scene...
• Take a four year old along, he'll watch movies, take a nap, color, read, gaze out the window in astonishment at the clouds and little ant people below. He'll remind you of the possibilities.
• Try not to think about how you're driving your neighbors crazy. They're adults, they can deal with it. Hopefully you'll never see them again.
• There comes a time when the songs and books and games and food and treats just stop working. Let it go. Let her cry and scream and kick. This is a prime time for you to cry too. (Maybe the people who turn to glower at you might feel a little more sympathetic.) You're little one might even calm down after a few minutes and actually fall asleep... until the captain declares the weather over the intercom.
• Walk off the plane with pride, you did it! You didn't loose it, you didn't jump out of the escape hatch at one thousand feet. Good for you!

These pictures don't hide our "plane eyes"- exhausted, bored, irritated and ready for a real bed. One day planes will come equipped with a kids play room. Including babysitters wouldn't be hoping for too much, right?

Needless to say our plane trips verged on traumatic experiences. We survived though. It actually made coming back to Virginia more bearable- at least we're not on the plane anymore!!